Sunday, October 30, 2011

Pregnancy surprises

I think the biggest pregnancy symptom I've dealt with so far is immense fatigue.  Yeah, I guess the books mention it in passing, but when I think pregnancy, I think morning sickness, stretch marks, and skipping out on deli meat; fatigue that feels like I've been hit by a bus was never on my radar.  The books go something like this: in the first trimester, you're nauseous, probably vomiting, and only want to eat Saltines; in the second trimester, you get a surge of energy and feel like you're on top of the world, and the third trimester is Dante's seventh circle of Hell as you're just begging and praying for this kid to make his or her appearance in the world since he or she is pushing against your lungs and bladder, making it impossible to breathe and causing you to pee all the time.  While I can't speak to the third trimester yet, my pregnancy has been vastly different than what the books suggest I should feel.  I'm not complaining -- in many ways, I've been blessed to have a very easy pregnancy, and I feel very fortunate for that.  But, for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm finally understanding what fatigue is, and it's way worse than staying up all night in grad school trying to finish a paper.
The other day, one of my students turned to me and commented, "you look really tired."  Crap, I thought.  This really sweet, astute kid picked up on the fact that I feel ready to keel over at any moment.  If this is how I feel at 26 weeks, when I'm supposed to feel blissful and energetic in my second trimester, what will the next 14 weeks bring?  How will I continue to manage working full time/going to CrossFit/tutoring students after school/singing in two choirs while I'm not able to sleep well at night, despite how tired I am?  How can I manage to keep a house reasonably clean and make sure that I'm making somewhat healthy food choices on top of it?  I think it's starting to hit me big time that I can't do it all.  While I know my priorities will shift once my little one makes her appearance, I didn't expect how much life would change now.  My "I am woman, hear me roar" mentality is clashing with my desire to snuggle up on the couch with my cats and my blanket (right now, couch/kitties/blanket = 1; laundry and dishes = 0).
But, I'm slowly learning to be okay with it all.  I know that some days will be less tiring than others and ultimately, my most important responsibility is to listen to my body and take care of this little one and give her the best start possible.  And at the risk of being sappy, feeling her squirm and wiggle around puts a smile on my face like nothing else in this world.  Just like the surprise of fatigue, I figured that feeling her move would be cool, but I could have never been prepared for how amazing and awesome it is.  In the past few weeks, I've felt a new bond with my Lil' Puddin' (her nickname given by my eighth graders -- I absolutely adore it).  And this is perhaps the best surprise of all.
So, for now, vacuuming the house will wait another day (or two).  I'm going to stay snuggled up on the couch a little bit longer, sneaking in some small naps and breaking into ridiculously goofy smiles as she kicks and moves around.  I'm going to enjoy these moments of being at absolute peace, soak in my pregnancy, and take it all in stride as best as I can.

What has surprised you most about pregnancy or life lately?

2 comments:

  1. Hello!

    I just happend to come across your blog and I'm enjoying it very much! I'm a runner but I've been thinking of committing to CrossFit for a while for the sake of trying something new, and I love hearing about your experience with it while pregnant. It's inspiring! Would you mind if I link to you on my blog?

    Cheers, Libby

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  2. Libby,
    Thanks for the comment! You are more than welcome to link my blog -- I'm excited to check yours out!

    Lindsey

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