The start of month five!

At 18 weeks, this cartoon pretty much sums up my current physical state.  I can still get away with most of my pants, although the pants that used to be huge on me are now just comfortable.  But I'm not yet big enough for maternity clothes.  It's a bit of a quandary, so I did end up buying the Be Band from Target.  I wore it for the first time today with my skinny jeans (which had to be retired about a week and a half ago), but I'm not completely sold on it.  I felt like my jeans were going to slip off all day, and I did feel self conscious about not having my pants buttoned.  I could see, however, the psychological merit in using the Be Band post-partum to get back into regular pants faster.  So, I think my clothing goal is to find longer shirts, leggings, and stretchy pants that aren't maternity to make it through until I need to make the full switch.  Any recommendations on places to shop or clothes to try?

I think a little bump is starting to show -- I'm post a picture later this week.  I may regret saying this, but I'm definitely ready to look pregnant.  I'm also ready to figure out if the gurgles and flutters I've felt are actually the baby, and not just a figment of my imagination!

On Monday, I had an amazing CrossFit WOD.  For a strength, we did a dead stop deadlift (where you have to take your hands of the bar during each rep) for a 3 rep max.  I comfortably did a 185 lb deadlift, which makes me feel better about not being about to deadlift 155 last week!  For our WOD, we did cleans and 100 meter runs.  I can still clean the bar!  While the prescribed weight was 115, I was nervous to try and clean that much, so I did 90 fairly easily.  It was nice to feel strong and accomplished at the box.

Today was a more 'interesting' workout of Tabata This.  For those of you not familiar with the CrossFit world, tabata is a workout where you do a movement for 20 seconds and then rest for 10 seconds.  You complete eight rounds of this sequence.  Your score is the lowest number of reps that you complete in the 20 seconds,  It's really beneficial to pace yourself, since eight rounds is a lot, especially when you have five movements to complete.  Tabata This includes rowing for calories, air squats, pull ups, push ups, and sit ups.  Luckily, I can still do sit ups, although I think that soon will change.  I pulled off a score of 39 for my tabata (I rowed 4 calories in 20 seconds, did 16 air squats, four banded pull ups, five push ups, and 10 sit ups).  I try to avoid WODs like tabata since I like to make sure I have the ability to take rests and breaks as needed, but I was able to pace myself, so it wasn't too awful.  

Things I've recently learned about pregnancy:
- I need to eat constantly, and I need to eat a lot.  I learned this the hard way, when I woke up at 3a.m. the other night, feeling extremely nauseous.  After sitting in the bathroom for about 10 minutes, I finally figured out that I was really hungry, so I had a bland, non-paleo snack, and after a few minutes, I felt great.  Lesson learned: this baby needs and loves food.
- Just because my eating is not as clean as it used to be doesn't mean that I'm a horrible eater, nor does it mean that I won't be able to get back on track post-partum.
- People love to give advice.  Some of it is helpful; some of it is not.  I'm trying to ignore the less helpful tidbits!
Any advice for the second trimester?

Frustrations

I hate to be one to complain, but I'm just frustrated.
At about week 8 of pregnancy, I developed an odd twinge in my left hand.  Occasionally, it was spasm, hurt for a minute, and then it would go away.  I just decided it was a bizarre pregnancy quirk, and figured it would be harmless.  Then, last week, it came back with a vengeance, to the point where I couldn't even do wall balls because it hurt too much to cradle the ball in my palm.  I've spent the past week significantly modifying my WODs and lowering weights.  For a push press yesterday, I stopped at 55 pounds instead of my usual 95 or 100 weight.  In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have bothered push pressing at all.  Thrusters became front squats (with no hands!).  Cleans, snatches, push ups and handstand push ups are out of the question.  Plus, the weight I could lift pre-pregnancy and even in the early stages of pregnancy has decreased significantly.  I dropped my deadlift weight by 30 pounds today; my front squat weight by 35 (even before my wrist problems!)  I'm just bummed out.  It's hard enough slowing down my body from the changes that pregnancy bring, and I'm struggling with the fact that I have to modify, well, before I'll have to modify again to accommodate for my growing belly.  I'm desperate to deadlift and back squat over 200 pounds, to practice kipping pull ups, and to work on my snatches and overhead squats.  Feeling this limited is such a struggle for me.  I miss the days when I could give each WOD my all and collapse on the floor sweaty, exhausted, and out of breath.  I know I'm growing an amazing little person, and why I'm thrilled, it doesn't make these physical changes easier.  I'll give my doctor a call tomorrow and see if we can figure out what's up with this wrist.  And I scheduled a massage for Thursday to see if that might help at all.  If nothing else, it will make this momma-to-be happy and relaxed.  And I'll take it one step at a time.

Any thoughts on ways to overcome frustration?

Pregnancy Musings

- Everything you've every heard about pregnancy hormones is true.  I'm a pretty emotional girl, but there are days when my emotions have swept me away in a sea of fitful tears (crying at Teen Mom, for example. There's clearly something wrong with that).  Honestly, though, most of my meltdowns happen at Charles River CrossFit, especially after a WOD that I've found to be more challenging.
- I don't think "pregnancy brain" is a myth.  I'm definitely more forgetful than before.  Thankfully, my friends and family send reminders so I can stay on track with what I need to do in any given day.
-Thankfully, while I never had morning sickness of any kind, I've been extremely fatigued and was an insomniac during my first trimester.  Being tired + not being able to sleep = ironic combination.
- In terms of food, however, I find that I am a happier person if I graze throughout the day.  Smaller meals work for me.  I always have a Larabar in my purse for when I have an emergency food need.
- Still on food: when I get hungry, I need to eat.  Immediately.  There is no option for me to wait. Unfortunately, this means that I sometimes make bad food choices (because sometimes, the Larabar doesn't cut it).
- When I cut out grains and processed foods, I feel great. When I don't, I get all those icky pregnancy symptoms people talk about.  For me, I think it has to do more with my diet and less with pregnancy!  Making sure good food is available is key for me.
- But, I do get cravings for processed carbs and sugary foods.  It's frustrating, but I do my best to keep it in check.  It's gotten a little easier to curb in my second trimester.
- There are times when I don't know if it's more important for me to eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom.  In that sense, I feel like a baby myself.
- While I've only gained three pounds in 16 weeks, my body has changed so much!  My stomach is stretched and bigger.  I haven't needed maternity clothes yet, and I'm not really showing.  But, my skinny jeans are starting to give me serious muffin top.  Yikes.
- On that note, I'm trying to decide if I should invest in a Bellaband.  Thoughts, anyone?
- I kind of want to try on maternity clothes.  Is it too early?
- Exercising has definitely helped calm me down and keep me feeling in check.  But, it's also become my biggest challenge.  Some days, I have a great work out, and can still do each WOD Rx, but other days, I struggle through the warm up.  It's infuriating how inconsistent my performance can be, especially since I'm determined to keep on CrossFitting until the end of my pregnancy.  I don't like having to slow down.
- When I tell them I'm pregnant, people often have two reactions.  One is to rub my belly, which does not look pregnant.  The other is to tell me that I don't look pregnant at all.  I'm not sure how I feel about either reaction.
- People have become very protective of me.  Fellow CRCF put away my weights.  They encourage me to scale back my WODs.  I receive constant advice, when asked for it and not.  It's very sweet and charming.  I feel loved.
- I started looking into daycares, but it scared me.  So, I'm looking to put that off for awhile.
- I'm excited to get back to work and see my students.  Working at an all girls school, I know they are going to be so excited about a baby!
- I've developed some weird joint pain in my left thumb bone at the wrist.  Pregnancy related, or CF injury?  I'm not really sure, and I'd prefer it to go away.
- I love the e-mails from babycenter.com and thebump.com that I receive each week which compare the size of the baby to a fruit or vegetable.  Right now, this kid is the size of an avocado.  I can't believe he or she started out as a poppyseed!  They grow so quickly.
- I am absolutely in love with For Two Fitness and already own three of the ruched racerback tanks.  My dear friend and sisters bought me a few.  Even though I don't need them yet, I love, love, love wearing them to CRCF!  Seriously, how cute are they?

- I hope I look that fabulous with a bump!

A midwife story

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew I had to ditch my regular OB-GYN, who I found lackluster, impersonal, and unimpressive.  While I really can't make a huge judgment call on her specific medical skills, I desperately felt the need to have a connection to the person who I would meet with constantly for appointments and who would (potentially) deliver my child.
Very quickly, I reached the conclusion that I wanted a midwife, but I'd like to share a little bit more about how I came to that conclusion.  In college, I was fascinated with Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, an historian who basically determined that midwives had a higher success rate of births than doctors in the early 1800s.  (Yes, I am a huge history dork, and yes, I realize that was two hundred years ago, but sometimes we're shocked by what still holds true today).
  So, I began my research, and came to the conclusion that a midwife was definitely worth checking out. Reading articles like this one, which discusses how midwives have a higher success rate of vaginal births, made me think that midwives still might have a leg up on a traditional OB.  And after all the horror stories I had heard about deliveries gone bad, I wasn't convinced that a traditional birth was necessarily the best route.  Plus, with the rates of C-sections soaring, the fact that the US has a higher rate of infant mortality than other developed countries, and knowing that I didn't want medical intervention unless it was absolutely necessary, I decided to go to a "meet and greet"at the Women's Health Associates to learn more about the midwives and see if it was really for me.  We met with Adrienne, and I immediately gravitated to her energetic and kind demeanor.  I appreciated the philosophy that childbirth is a natural process, not a medical condition, and was glad that she spent over an hour and a half answering our questions (four other couples were there with us).  I also appreciate the fact that the midwives have taken the time to get to know me and my husband; in fact, most of my first appointment with Valaree was just to learn about my background, my own birthing philosophy, and to answer any of my questions.  At first, it was a struggle to get used to the fact that a medical professional wanted to take the time to know more about me, but I quickly realized this was a great perk of a midwife -- a true interest in her patient as a human being.
I don't believe that OBs are bad people, but I do think that some of the medical practices that surround birth aren't necessarily the best.  Plus, I love that my midwife will be with me throughout my entire labor.  And, I wanted someone who would be understanding of my lifestyle, and the midwives are completely supportive of CrossFit and my dietary choices.  So far, it's been a highly positive experience, and I'm looking forward to my next appointment with them in September!

How Pregnancy Cravings Work...

... at least for me.

A few weeks ago, at our Saturday trip to the farmers' market, as my husband and I purchased our lovely grassfed beef and local produce, I caught a whiff of the bagels from a stand.  All of a sudden, I needed to have one.

Me: Husband, I need a bagel immediately.
Husband: Really?  Do you even like bagels?  You haven't had one in awhile.
Me:  Yes, I know, but I need one now.
(Approach bagel stand)
Me: No, I probably shouldn't.
Husband:  There's nothing nutritious about them.  You don't need one.
Me:  You're right.  I've been Primal for so long.  I don't know what came over me.
(Leave market)
Me: I should have gotten a bagel.
Husband: (Shakes head).  Do you want to go back for one?
Me: No, no, no, it's okay.  Let's just get some coffee.

(Yes, I drink coffee pregnant, and yes, some caffeine is safe.  I usually do a cup or a cup and a half a day.  Sometimes I drink regular; sometimes I drink decaf.)

After each trip to the market, my husband and I ritualistically walk to our local Dunkin' Donuts for some coffee with milk.  A small iced is my preferred drink of choice; my husband prefers hot coffee but drinks iced in the summer.  I used to be the girl who drank at least three cups of coffee a day, so cutting back to a small took some adjusting, but I've managed just fine.

Once in DD, I start eyeing the bagels.
Me: Do I want a bagel?
Husband:  If you want one, get one.
Me: Nah, it's okay.  I don't think they even really taste that great.
Husband: You sure?
Me: Yes, yes, I'm fine.

(Leave Dunkin' Donuts and walk home)

Me: I should have gotten a bagel.
Husband: (shrugs).

We proceed to make a fabulous breakfast of bacon and eggs, get the kitchen organized, and decide to head to the CrossFit Regionals.  As we get in the car and start driving off, I turn to him and say:
Me: I really need a bagel.
Husband: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.  Please.  It's urgent.  I don't know what I'm ever going to do if I don't get a bagel now!
Husband sighs, and we park the car at Bruegger's.  I dash inside and order an everything bagel, toasted with cream cheese.  My husband orders one too.  I impatiently pace the store floor as I wait for my bagel to be toasted and greedily snatch it out of the hands of the clerk when he gives it to me.  We get into the car and I dive into bagel as quickly as possible.  Tears are practically streaming down my face, I'm so happy.  It's a euphoric moment.

A few minutes pass.

Husband: That bagel really wasn't very good.
Me: What are you talking about?!?!?!? That's the best thing I've eaten in forever!

So folks, I really wish I could be that person who was a super clean pregnant eater.  I confess, I'm not.  Sometimes, the cravings are so overwhelming, I don't know what to do but to give in.

So, my general rule of thumb is to still eat a primarily Primal diet, and limit a big craving to one a day.  Sometimes I have more; sometimes I stick to Primal.  It really depends on the day (and dare I blame this little Peanut?)

But, I try to make sure I always have food on me to try and offset a craving (Larabars can be my best friend at times).  I also try to take it one day at a time.  I don't eat bagels everyday, nor do I eat flour on a consistent basis.  I just try to find a happy medium that will work for me right now.  I'm confident that I will go back to my previous eating habits.

I think these cravings come, in part,  from not sleeping well.  While I've been fortunate enough to not have morning sickness, I became quite the insomniac during my first trimester.  Sugar and processed grains probably gave a quick and dirty insulin boost to keep me going, even though I mentally know those won't have great effects over the long term.  But sometimes, it's hard to convince your body of that.

But man, that bagel was pretty awesome.

Another Confession

Confession: my primal eating habits have fallen a bit off kilter.  Lately, I've had cravings for bagels, pizza, donuts and other sugary sweets -- something highly unusual for me.  Sometimes it's easy for me to resist these cravings; other things they are so intense, I'm near tears thinking about those foods, and no matter how I deny it, the craving won't go away.  For someone who's been a pretty clean eater for over a year, it's been a hard go lately.

I hate to make excuses for myself, but perhaps I can shed some light into why these cravings are so intense:

I'm having a little CrossFitter in February!

The day I found out I was pregnant in May, we had had a particularly intense WOD at CRCF; three rounds of:
1 minute box jumps
1 minute wall balls
1 minute pull ups
1 min double unders
1 minute push ups
1 minute rest

This WOD destroyed me, and I found it harder than usual.  I was gasping for breath, and it just didn't seem right.  I already had an inkling that I might be pregnant, so I tested that night and voila!  My thoughts were confirmed.

So many ideas raced through my head; a mix of excitement, feeling overwhelmed, thinking it was surreal, and then scared.  Would I be able to still do CrossFit?  How quickly would I have to scale back? Should I skip CF all together and resign myself to a life of walking and water aerobics?  Could I still lift weights?  And how could I still exercise once I had a baby?

I immediately started my online research, but there really isn't that much information out there about pregnant CrossFitters.  (I'll give links to all the good sites I found).  But after speaking to my coaches, I was reassured that I could safely and happily continue CrossFit, but with modifications as needed.

Still, I found that my cardiovascular endurance slowed down greatly.  High metcon WODs, which were always my favorite, were harder.  And some days, my workouts felt easier to get through than others.  It's definitely been a bit of a challenge for me, but I just remind myself that I have a little person inside me, and I need to listen to my body.

Now, I am 15 weeks along in my pregnancy, and my goal is to encourage other women to stay fit and healthy throughout their pregnancies.  I still work out at CrossFit at least three to five times a week.  And I want to share my own experiences with my health, with exercise, prenatal care choices, and other fun stories.

For the next 25 weeks, I'd like to take you all on my journey as I strive to have the healthiest pregnancy possible.  We know that exercise is essential for the health of a mother and baby, and I hope you'll follow me along!

And here's another picture of my little Peanut.  Can you believe how clear the ultrasound is?  I love the little hand waving!

Everything in Moderation...?

Often in the food world, I'll hear or see the phrase "in moderation."  Examples: "Have pizza, but in moderation."  "Use butter, but in moderation."  "You can eat anything, as long as it's in moderation."  For many years, "in moderation" was my adage to live by; in essence, it was my battle cry to shield myself against any self-doubts about the food that I chose to put in my body.  But once I started to rethink my food choices, I became disgusted with my use of the phrase.  In my mind, it was a cop out -- a tool used to justify any food decisions I made.  A bagel for breakfast?  Fine, because it was in moderation.  A sandwich on white bread with pretzels for a side?  That seemed to be in moderation, or at least pretty standard.  Stacey's pita chips and hummus?  Definitely fine since it was "healthy" and in moderation.  Dessert and a margarita?  A splurge, but not something that I did every night, so it had to be moderation.  Right?  It wasn't until last summer that I realized my "moderate" choices added up to adversely affect my health.  Plus, these food options were highly processed/refined with little true nutritional value.  All of a sudden, I couldn't hide behind the expression: I was now exposed and I had to deal with the reality that "in moderation" was merely my excuse to eat whatever I wanted.  There was nothing "moderate" about it at all.  So, I chucked "in moderation" out the window, and decided to strive to eat food in its most natural state.  For me, it was a liberating moment and I finally felt released from my carbo-holic ways.

Recently, however, I had a conversation with two friends, both who follow a Paleo diet.  One made a comment about how she will eat "in moderation."  I stopped in my tracks, turned with my mouth agape, and asked her to clarify.  But before I even gave her a chance to speak, I did a complete word vomit on why I hated the phrase.  My comments were well-received, but I finally gave my friend a chance to talk.  It turned out that her definition of "moderation" was far more conservative than mine.  For my friend, "moderation" was eating healthy most days, and indulging in the occasion splurge (although she confessed, it was sometimes more than occasional).  Still, she's a fabulous athlete, in great shape, and eats a diet based on protein, nuts, fruits, and veggies, so I realized this motto truly worked for her.  We agreed to disagree. 

So, my question is: is "in moderation" a phrase to live by or a cop out to eat what you want?