Oh man, reality can be tough to swallow. I never realized the physical toll that birth would take on my body, how difficult the sleep deprivation would be, and that I would struggle with breastfeeding and it would make my transition to motherhood a difficult one. I was desperate to get out of the house, regain strength, and feel like a human being again. My first WOD at five weeks post-partum was very, very rough. It involved snatches and double unders, the sworn enemies of a woman who's just had a baby. My snatch form was horrendous. I was sore, exhausted, and defeated. My bubble quickly burst, and I slowly began to understand that my re-entry into CrossFit would not go as seamlessly as I had hoped.
Six months post-partum, CrossFit is getting easier, but I still have a ways to go. At my box, I've watched people who started CrossFit after me run circles around me during WODs, and I've found myself very emphatically declaring "I just had a baby!" to save face. Here are a few things I've realized so far:
My endurance was the first to go while pregnant and is the slowest to come back;
My strength has returned with a vengeance but;
My form has suffered on olympic lifts, so I'm not always lifting to my potential;
My sprained ankle still hasn't healed;
Returning to CrossFit after having Eleanor was much harder than I thought it would be.
But in the past five months since I've been back, there has been progress. I'm Rxing more WODs and I've had some PRs (250 pound deadlift and 190 pound back squat for a six RM). I'm fitting into more of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I have greater hope that I'll see my abs again one day (although those moments are fleeting). I miss my old body, but I'm optimistic that I'll eventually feel more comfortable in my own skin.
There are days when I feel unstoppable and think to myself "I can't believe I had a baby only six months ago! I rock!" and there are days when I think "it's been six months. Why is (insert exercise here) still so hard?" But I have to remind myself that my exercise career has been a limited one. Other than a mile jog here or an hour on the elliptical there, I didn't start seriously exercising until July of 2010 and I started CrossFit full time in January of 2011. I got pregnant May of 2011. I only had four months of CrossFitting before my little Peanut started cooking, and I can't expect that I would be at the same fitness level as someone who has been physically active her entire life. I'm also carrying around some additional baby weight, which is (very slowly) making its way off.
Thankfully, I've had an amazing support system in my husband, who always makes sure that I get to my box at least three days a week, and in the members of my box, who cheer me on and remind me of my progress so far.
I present this post this way because I think it's easy to see other pregnant CrossFitters and assume (or hope) that you'll be like them. But regardless of who you are, adjusting to your body after a baby is just that -- an adjustment. I've had to alter my expectations, which isn't always easy, while reminding myself of my accomplishments (mainly, making it to the box and putting forth my best effort in WODs). I'm so grateful for CrossFit -- it's been a wonderful outlet and it makes me feel good about myself. And above all, I want to be a role model for my daughter and I hope that she admires strength and athleticism in women.
In the next few weeks and months, I want to talk more about CrossFit after baby. So, tell me what you'd like to know about the transition to post-partum CrossFit!
Eleanor at five months. She loves playing with her pacifier and putting it in her mouth -- even upside down. :)
